Rat Scratching 5a

Rat Scratching #5a (13/05/04 – 15/07/04)
Ah. well here i sit on the Sunday on the nationals, risking life and piles writing this for your joy and confusion, while trying to understand the loud speaker announcements ( but as far as I can tell, it sounds as if the speaker is a concrete mixer gargling with horse radish while trying to shout out random lottery numbers, you think I’m kidding!!, I’m sure i heard someone shout “BINGO” last time), the last couple of days have brought pain and much happiness to many people (sort of like a group sex session and a box of nails), people crying/sobbing (NO! not from the nails), a couple of people wanting to REALLY kill each other, and some of the best team fights I have seen in my brief time in the fencing world, whenever I was not poorly savaging people ,I was happily clicking away with the movie mode on the digital camera that I have nicked off my wife (I am safe as she does not read this page), to download the movie click here (its 20Meg so I would be happier is you just downloaded it {right click “Save Target As”} if you are going to watch it more than once (the down load tends to be a little slow to kick-in but bare with it and it will
come), and yes I am aware that it consists mainly on men’s foil and epee, I couldn’t help it!, the sabre is over before you can get to the pieste and the women’s always seemed to clash with the men’s and the men’s is more interesting to me <> ) .Movie Link,

Ah first but a slight divergence from fencing, which involves the trip home from the nationals, in order to spare Mr Maynard ( A Long suffering human if there has ever been one) a Long trip round to Hammersmith , I spy a sign to Uxbridge (Ah Ha..Low and behold I think), yon tube station is at the arse end of the Piccadilly line, and mayhap it would save us both a lot of caking around if I just got on it and zoomed with the grace that only sore bum muscles and a bloody heavy fencing bag + Laptop can imbue, up the line to Caledonian road and my bed, SOOO! off we get, and thus starts a comedy of errors, come let us read on:

Stage 1) Its so late that I have to get the metropolitan line to action town then change, Cool we can do that,

Stage 2) Off at Acton town and ask guard which platform to wait at, “this one he replies”, Cool we can do that as well.

Stage 3) Silly bugger guard does not know what he is talking about, last Piccadilly train leaves from another platform (ARSE!!!), thus stranding me and a bunch of other blokes on station suddenly devoid of helpful people.

Stage 4) Find Silly Bugger Guard, and get cross, silly bugger tells me that I will have to get 3+ night buses to get back to my flat, I ask him for the map he is reading, he says it is the station copy and he cant give it out.

Stage 5) Silly bugger takes a look at my face and changes mind, I leave the station with map.

Stage 6) Read map and discover that silly bugger can read bus maps as well as he knows train platforms. and I can do it in 2 busses, wait on wrong side of road for 15 Mins.

Stage 7) see the bus I want coming from what I think is the wrong way, move very fast (could have done with that kind of speed during the 32 DE) and wait on right side of the road for half a milli second.

Stage 8) get right bus to Hammersmith, discover that bag is so heavy that it is destabilising the bus, however before the bus tips over an immensely fat man (and I mean totally SUMO) gets on bus, we sit at different sides of the bus and all is safe again.

Stage 9) wait at Hammersmith for the N10 (a very useful bus that goes from Hammersmith to kingscross all night), discover that not even drunken tramps
want to talk to me and even move always if I look at them (Shame).

Stage 10) Get to kings cross, and get off (fat man is still on! {when did he get on this bus???}, bus is listing badly!!, as I turn the next corner I hear the noise of what sounds like a sumo wrestler tipping over a bus, I just ignore it and keep going)

Stage 11) Wait for my final Bus, (its only 15 mins walk, but the weight of the bag is starting to get on my nerves and its 1:30 in the morning), I wait for 10 mins and thing bugger it, I’ll walk!!.

Stage 12) Of course as soon as I set off, the bus comes, I thunder to the next bus stop, waving frantically at the bus driver, as I am the only person on the street, carrying a huge bag, waving wildly and am about 2 yards from the bus stop, I feel that the fact that he drives straight past is a little unfair ( I of course do not yell BAS***D!!!! at the back of the buss and attack the bus station), I am a little bit peeved at this point.

Stage 13) My opinion of humanity is saved by a bloke who pulls up straight after the bus and asks if he can give me a lift any where, Cool we can do that!, next sec he drops me off at the flat, all done!, the I forgive the world its wrongs.

Stage 14) Sleep!!! (for about 3 hours before a sour throat wakes me up)

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